i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize