We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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