Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
