I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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