escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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