Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
