she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
