My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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