My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize