When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
