Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....