Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.