I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just leave with hair like that
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize