My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.