I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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