just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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