Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
