last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
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she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
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I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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