Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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