So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
