Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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