I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
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I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
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He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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