Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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