it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
