Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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