i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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