Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
