your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
