I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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