p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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