I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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