Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
