I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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