you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
