you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
