I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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