How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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