I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
