he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
