Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
