I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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