Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
