YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people