love makes seman taste better
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver