I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
what day is it and did you see me today?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.