i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.