I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats