WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
