i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
