i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
