The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
