Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
