Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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