i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
