no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's shark week go big or go home
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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