made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
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And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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