Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
