I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just invented taco cereal.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
