I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
