Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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