At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
