The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Damn victory sex feels great
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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