Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
