My friends, they love my intelligence
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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