idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
