He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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