that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL