At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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