About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Randomize
