I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
