Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
