Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
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my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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