How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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